A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself ...

15. I will not eat other animals' poop.
14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. ...

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him.
...