Thin People Don't

I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:

avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy

split a large combination pizza with three friends

think Oreo cookies are for kids

nibble cashews one at a time

think that doughnuts are indigestible

read books they have to hold with both hands

become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch

fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips

counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish

exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio

lose their appetites when they're depressed

think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids

save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups

throw out stale potato chips

will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store

think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate

don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound

warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream

try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert

find iced tea more refreshing than an ice-cream soda

get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table

have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color

think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert

bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box

think banana splits are for kids.