Funny Jokes

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'
The teacher looked at little ...

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together.
One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and ...

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says ...

One evening, a young man was surprised to find that his bar pickup line had worked and that he was headed to his new companion's apartment. During the drive she explained to him that she was going to ...

Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He looks too dumb!"
"No Momma," she said, "He is going to be a Doctor and he has already cured me of that bleeding ...

What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head?
Depth perception.

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around ...

There was once an old man and a parrot living all alone together for like 40 years.
One day, the parrot came to the old man and said, "you know, I've never had a woman in my life."
So the ...

At the end of a tiny deserted bar sits a huge Mexican. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.
After three or four beers, the ...

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal:
"Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signals back: "Change ...